Dear Frat Boy Lifter

Today marked the first wave of "resolutionists" in the weight room/gym. Since I go to a university gym, and spring semester doesn't start until Jan 9th (Wed), the students didn't start coming back to campus until today. So my normal, 10-person Sunday morning gym somehow jumped up into frat boy haven with at least 30-40 people meandering around trying to lift weights. That said, I will warn you that this post will be my most sarcastic and "mean" one I will probably ever write. I just need to get it out there and then get over it.

The patient part:

Now, it's so important for me to keep in mind that I was there once too. Sure, I didn't start on Jan 1st (or 6th). I started somewhere in the beginning of the summer and so I am in no way one of the regulars (like Ryan who has been going there for the past 2.5 years straight), but I do feel some slight annoyance at all the newbies who have inundated one of the few places I tend to find peace, calm, and some amount of composure.

However, when I examine this thought more, it's not the fact that a lot more people who are learning to lift are there that bothers me -- I love that there are more people trying to get strong and improve their stamina and physiques. What I don't love is the entitled attitude that seems to be inevitably brought in by the college crowd.

The not-so-patient part:

That said, the following is a list of things I would love to have posted in the gym (minus all the sarcastic comments):

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Dear Frat Boy Lifter,

While I'm glad that you are trying to better yourself by lifting weights and working out, please keep the following things in mind as you embark on what will probably be the next month of your lifting life:

• You don't need 9 guys to help you bench. They simply take up space around the surrounding 5 machines. You only need one to spot you, given that you are trying to lift way more weight than you've trained for in order to impress the other 8. Stick with a workout partner or by yourself and ask for a spot. And try to use appropriate amount of weights so you don't get pinned every single time.
• Spend more time lifting, less time talking. While we are all interested in how smart you are talking about micronutrient timing (that you no doubt read on some lifting forum and are passing off as your own), please save this 20 minute conversation with your bro for the dorm room and not while you're sitting on a machine that maybe someone else might want to use. 
• Rerack your damn weights. I know you've been kinda spoiled for most of your trying-to-pass-for-adult life, but the people who work at the desk are not there to pick up after you. Nor am I. I'm there to lift and part of lifting involves putting weights on AND taking them off the machine you are using. I don't want to spend 5 minutes taking off all 10 of your 45 plates from the leg press that you barely managed to do once before your round of high fives from your 9 spotters took place.
• Given that you don't rerack your weights, I'm guessing theres no hope to wipe down your machine after using it. No worries, I wipe them down before use. But seriously...if you are drenched and you have covered the machine in salty water, please consider using a towel when you lift. It'll make you look a little more hardcore and keep me from using up all the towlettes.
• Don't frantically drop (throw) your dumbbells near me. Or at all. Dropping the olympic bar/ weights are ok, as well as heavy dumbbells  Dropping things near your bench or under you: also ok. Throwing your weights as a sign of badassery is just stupid, and dangerous. If you have enough energy to throw your "heavy ass" weights at the end of your sets, you may want to add a few more reps in there.
• Keep the high fives and the screaming "YEA BRO" to a minimum. You don't need all that ruckus before curling 20 lbs. Save the screaming/moaning/groaning to when your body is actually about to give in and you need it. Also save the ostentatious high fives for after more than just a single pull up. Normal high fives are fine. Subtle ones are even better.
• Please realize that the best lifters in the gym are the ones that keep their head down and work hard. They aren't there to show off; they are there to challenge themselves. They ask for help or a spot when they need it. They take care of their bodies.  They work on their form. They don't care just about benching. They are who you should be looking up to. They are willing to help you if you ask for it. Please keep this in mind the next time you walk into the gym with your head up thinking you're the best lifter in the world. You probably have the capability to be one of the best, but first you need to get quiet for a minute, focus, and get ready to work.

Best,

Hannah