The gift of "fit"

I love Christmas gifts. When it comes to exchanging gifts on Christmas morning I feel like a 5-yr-old trapped in a 25-yr-old body. My 25 yr-old self is supposed to exhibit maturity and patience, while my inner self just wants to tear open every present in under a minute. I would say that a large part of this excitement comes from the fact that my family and friends know how to get me the best gifts ever. Period. Hands down. No joke. And not surprisingly, a lot of these have to do with food and fitness! This post is dedicated to all those amazing foodie/fitnessy gifts I got this Christmas and why I love them so so much!

1. FitBit One


                                        


This little gadget is awesome. It basically tracks how active I am in the form of steps, stairs (has a built in altmeter), miles and calories burned. But it doesn't turn off when I do to go to sleep. This little guy stays on my wrist while I sleep to monitor my movement. By doing this it can gauge things like how long it took me to fall asleep, how many times I woke up during the night and when they occurred and my sleep efficiency. It also has a gentle wake button that acts as an alarm to gently pull me out of sleep. I'm thinking part of the reason Ryan got this for me was so that I could be awakened gently, which in turn, would reduce the risk that I would throw something at him or mumble/yell at him to be quiet. This was not only an amazing gift, but impressive in the sense that I had mentioned to Ryan some months ago that I wanted one, then forgot about it. Sure enough--he remembered. Thanks babe!



2. Lifting Gloves

Cute lifting gloves!

                       
Although my calouses are, in some way, badges of honour from lifting, I am often not able to use  heavy enough weights because they start ripping up my hands before I get through half a set. This is especially true for dumbell rows and lunges. Enter: cute, chick, lifting gloves. These allow me to lift up heavier weights for exercises, without my hands getting overly-sore. Thanks to Ryan's parents for these! The gorgeously pink nail polish was also a Christmas gift from my Mommy!

                                       

Extra padding for REALLY heavy weights :-)

3. Spandex

I don't think I need to explain why spandex & yoga-type pants are awesome to fitness and workout fanatics. Before I had always bought random brands that had spandex matching a price, coulour or size. That said, most of my spandex are boring, plain, and black. They fit, but they aren't "fun". That said, my sister -- who knows me quite well-- got me a ridiculously comfortable pair of way-more-fun-than-just-black spandex/yoga pants for Christmas. They are purple, as shown in the photos but are also reversible so that turned inside out they are black with purple spandex. This is definitely the most fun pair of pants I own...not just in the workout category. They also got Ryan's stamp of approval, so you can bet they are good. The brand is Lulu Lemon, which I had heard of, but never had. After this pair of yoga pants I will be rethinking future purchases!

Emmy is jealous. 

Qubit (like her parents) is in love with them!

Same pants--different colour!

Love, love, LOVE these! Thanks sAr!


4: Cooking Wok

Now, I am not a cook. Ryan cooks. My sister cooks. I cut things up, throw them in a pan, and with Ryan's supervision, try not to burn the house down. That said, the only thing I know how not to screw up (much) is stir fry veggies. My sauté pan was ok for this, but the new wok my Mom got for me is so soooo much better.

My favourite pan/pot!

I have already used it, and only lost one little piece of garlic as I was attempting to do the "stir by flipping veggies in the air" method that I've seen Ryan do. Even though my stirring in air skills may not be the best, this pan definitely is. Thanks Target. Thanks Mom!

5. PB2 & Quest Bars (Stocking Stuffers)

Let's not forget two of my favourite things! PB2, which I love to put in my oatmeal, bake with, and make peanut butter sandwiches with, and chocolate brownie flavoured Quest protein bars. So delish!

PB2: I love you.

                   

Love the chocolate brownie flavour! Must heat in microwave first though!!!!

               

and last but not least....

6. Running Socks!

I don't have a good shot of these, but every year I get a few pair of socks in my Boxing Day box. This year there were Adidas running socks which are quite warm and admittedly, I wear them around the house...not just for running. Thanks again, mom!

Hopefully your Christmas was as good as mine and here's to the best New Year yet!

Win/Lose

Here's the thing about the holidays: whenever I restrict myself in terms of food, I feel worse. I feel like I'm not partaking in the happiness that is sitting around a big dinner table with family trying a bit of everything that everyone helped make. So this Christmas I did. 

I estimate that Christmas day was about 3000-3500 calories which is what they say is the equivalent of a pound. Now, I know I didn't actually gain a whole pound of fat being that my body probably burns off about half of that throughout the day and possibly more if I were active...but it was definitely more than my body was used to eating. And the binging voice definitely kicked in after dinner. Dessert was larger than normal and nighttime snacking was at an all-time high. I did go to bed upset with myself, but definitely not on the scale that I usually do after overeating.

The thing was, other than the nighttime snacks, which I didn't need (but did enjoy), I enjoyed the experience of just letting go, of not counting every. single. calorie. Of having full fat ice cream and homemade cookies and Hawaiian chocolates. I had turkey, slaw salad, sweet potato (baked) fries, asparagus (which somehow even though I thought I hated, I actually really like!), along with baked apples and other delicious side dishes. I usually don't eat much of this in my normal diet, but this was a vacation and a holiday. And it was delicious.

Who thought I'd ever like this stuff?

Now, just because I enjoyed this experience doesn't mean it was how I would want to live every day--or even often. I like the structure of my diet...at this point knowing everything I eat and its macro breakdown is a security blanket for me. And for now that's ok. The important thing was allowing myself one or two days of a little flexibility and self-forgiveness.  It's ok to overindulge once in a while, especially for a special occasion. My problem tends to come in when I overfeed myself, once I break the binging, I restrict to get back my self-control. This severe restriction only leads to further binging the following days or weeks once I can't handle the restriction anymore. So the key for me now is to get back to structure and not start punishing myself.

The other aspect of vacation is not lifting or working out. We took the pups for a few walks, but for the most part stayed in the house due to cold/rainy/snowy weather. My body very much enjoyed the sleep and rest, but I'm definitely ready to work out again.

Card gym, I miss you!

Overall though, I think this was a pretty successful experiment in terms of my diet and flexibility. More importantly however, was that I got to spend an awesome holiday with this guy:

Christmas with Ryan

How did you spend the holidays? Did you keep with your typical diet?

Twas the night before Christmas

It's easy to remember where you were in years past around the holidays. If I were randomly asked about where I was, who I was with, and what I was doing on June 21st, 6 months ago, I probably couldn't say. I definitely couldn't say where I was on that date a year and a half ago. But I remember vividly what last Christmas was like, and last New Years. Those things I always seems to be able to picture quite vividly, along with how I felt, if I was healthy & fit at the time, and if I was happy. Christmas especially, always seems to bring back nostalgic feelings of past Christmases. So first I want to tell you a little about last Christmas in terms of diet and fitness, and then how I'm feeling this Christmas Eve.

Christmas Last:

Christmas 2011 was in Durham, NC. My siblings and mom made the 8+ hour drive down to see me, Emmy and Sappho (my cat). It's always fun when they come to visit. Emmy LOVES my siblings and Sappho LOVES my mom, and thankfully, since I lived in a house last year I had a bit more room to accommodate people than in Christmases past.

Of course my family showed up with boxes of gifts which overwhelmed my tiny Target Christmas tree. But if you ever met my mom, you would know that that's just how she is. "A few small gifts" turn into 30 too big for the tree presents, all wrapped meticulously and carefully thought about. Boxing day, which is also a big tradition in our house was also fun, as my mom had plenty of new spaces in which to hide our boxes.

Despite the happiness of having my family around, I was still left with the unsatisfying feeling of being very overweight and out of shape. Around Dec. 15th last year, (I mentioned in a previous post) I weighed around 162.0 lbs., which was most likely the highest weight I have ever been. On my 5' 3.5"- 5' 4" frame, this was less than flattering. On top of this, I was severely out of shape. While I took Emmy for many a walk most every day during the summer and fall, the winter was quite different. I hate the cold, and being outside for more than 10 minutes was so undesirable. I was also so heavy that I was scared to go to the gym. I say "scared" in the sense that I just didn't want to be seen there. I didn't want to be the heavier one amidst all the skinny sorority girls. So I let my busy work life be busy and when I came home I would order pizza, or stop at a sandwich shop, always leaving room for cookie dough at the end of the night. I ate when I was bored, when I was lonely, and when I was stressed.

So a week or two before my family arrived, I resolved that I would lose weight and get in shape. Thankfully, my family very much supported my efforts. On Christmas day instead of a big turkey, ham, and various other accouterments that are calorie laden, my sister (a nutritionist), made a big batch of creamy quinoa salad, which to this day, is one of the most delicious while still being healthy dishes I have ever tasted. She showed me exactly what went in it and had even calculated the nutritional info for it.

Ingredients! So healthy :-)

Creamy Quinoa Salad -- Courtesy of my awesome sis

While I was the heaviest and most out of shape I remember being at Christmas...ever...it was a super positive experience to have the holidays be spent with family and healthy food. My sister also took me for a short run with Emmy. We probably didn't even go a mile (which is less than a warm-up for her), but she was so encouraging, reassuring me that even a mile was good exercise and it got easier every day after I started. Emmy had so much fun running after her that I new I had to start running with her more.

Fast forward to this Christmas.....

Christmas Present:

I now weigh in at 112 lbs. It took me about 7-8 months to get down to this weight and the last 4 months I've been struggling to maintain it. Maintenance in some ways for me is harder than just losing the weight. I'm trying to find this delicate balance that my body doesn't recognize between too little and too much.

I am currently with Ryan and his family, enjoying the time learning the "new" traditions of the family of the man I love. True to his nature, Ryan has been preparing healthy meals for all of us, partially for the health of his family and partially for my peace of mind. He knows that holidays and unfamiliar places stress me out and that when I get stressed I stop eating. He has been doing an amazing job of keeping me fed and my stress to a minimum. Doesn't get much better than that :-).

In terms of diet, its more of a "work in progress". I'm now at my goal weight and have been for a few months, and so will most likely remember this Christmas as the one where I was finally satisfied with my diet and fitness, but so very scared of losing it all.

As a science nerd, I decided in my spare time today to make a plot of my weight over the past year and plot an exponential decay to it. Because I LOVE Mathematica.

Seeing this plotted out really encouraged me. Next year I would love to be able to put this plot up and have a nice straight line (with error bars of course!) all the way across.

I hope that by next Christmas I will have evolved and grown (hopefully) more in terms of listening to my body, learning more healthy recipes, and stopping the yo-yo dieting. But that is something for next year's post.

As for this year, I could have never done this without my supportive family, my thoughtful roommate, my amazing boyfriend, and my two precious pup pups. To them, I owe the greatest gratitude this Christmas.

Holidays

I recently read a good article on CNN about how Holidays are especially hard on those who have, or are recovering from, eating disorders. So much of family gatherings are centered around food and around food-related traditions. This fact tends to make those with eating issues feel very isolated, worried, and anxious about how to handle the whole situation without calling attention to themselves. After reading this article I was determined not to let my history with disordered eating get in the way of the holiday, but at the same time I was going to try not to let myself get thrown into the "over-eating because it's a special occasion and I want to look normal" for 4-5 days followed by "uh-oh I've gained 3 lbs I have to starve myself " for the subsequent week or two. 

As I've mentioned before, I'm good at the extremes. What I'm not good at, and have been fighting hard to attain, is moderation. That said, today has been somewhat of a success. Ryan and I are up at his folks' house in Ohio and for the trip I packed some healthy snacks and a turkey & swiss sandwich on WW bread for lunch.


Dinner Night 1:
Dinner was a little trickier. We ordered pizza from Pizza Hut, which is not exactly full of nutritional benefit. However, the pizza was thin-crust (my fav!), and had green peppers, red onions, and chicken on it...all of which I love while cutting down on a few of the calories and simultaneously adding a bit of protein.

Pizza: Delicious

Learning flexibility -- even in the smallest ways -- has been really helpful for me. I used to literally eat the same foods for breakfast, lunch and dinner without variation. I would get overly stressed when I had to eat something different. Now that I've been trying different foods over the past several months, and realizing that I can eat different foods and different amounts without changing my weight, I've been a lot more comfortable with experimenting. The scientist in me likes to experiment and this is what I'm seeing this holiday trip as in terms of my diet: it's an experiment for me to see how healthily I can eat, while still maintaining the flexibility that a holiday with family needs to run smoothly. Wish me luck!

"Gym Dad"

A picture of me with my "gym dad". He has more stories than anyone I've ever met, always has a smile, and is super encouraging and helpful with workouts. 

Jim & Me

Added bonus: He picks on Ryan :-)

What I've learned from my dogs

Truth be told, I've learned more from my two little spunky, good-natured, optimistic pups than I have from most teachers whose classes I've taken. They are constantly a marvel to me and I could go on and on about them, but since this blog is about food and fitness, I'd like to describe the ways in which they've taught me about those things specifically.

Food first---

Puppy motto: Eat until full. Stop. Leave food unless cat goes near it, then protect food with life. Drink lots of water. Allow self cookies when offered. Get super excited for protein rich foods like chicken, turkey, beef and cheese (even more excited than cookies!).

I LOVE PROTEIN!

I've learned a lot from this, seriously. I have a problem with "stopping when full" from my binging days. I rarely allow myself cookies. I drink too much diet coke and not enough water. And I've only recently (past 6-7 months) been really entranced by the marvels of protein. When it comes to eating, I think my pups really have it right.

How come she got to eat it first?

Fitness next---

"Fitness" doesn't exist to my dogs. "FUN!" however, does.

Puppy motto: YESSS I get to run outside now! My favourite thing! OMG a squirrel! I loooovvvvve running. Must jump. Must wrestle. Must sprint furiously for no reason because it's sooooo fun!

Running is the best!

I'm pretty sure this is exactly what goes through their heads. And this is something I've also learned from them. They are both in amazing shape. They are super fast, super athletic, and not very quick to tire. They do it because they love it. They love running. They love jumping. They love trying to balance on their two back paws as long as they can. For me this has translated into finding what I love in fitness (running and lifting) and really enjoying it. Making sure the gym is not a chore is really important for motivation. It's an amazing release of energy, and its fun for me like chasing a squirrel or playing fetch is for them. Sure, some may look at it as work--but if it's the right kind, it doesn't feel like work at all.

I WILL conquer that squirrel!

 

 

 

I'm about to sprint. Lucky camera shot!

 But here's the other fitness rule for puppies...

Puppy motto: When I'm tired, I take a nap.

Who doesn't love sleeping in the back of the car on long car trips?

This is another thing I can really learn from them. Run when you have energy, every day, for fun. Then, when you're tired...let your body rest so you can get up and have fun again tomorrow!

What have you learned about food & fitness from your canine friends? Or your feline friends? Or your human friends?

The "Day Off"

I will be the first to admit, it's hard for me to take a day off when I know I'm supposed to be in the gym lifting. When I dislocated my shoulder and had to go to the ER for them to pop it back in, I decided to take "a few days" off after my PT told me to take a "few weeks" off. As soon as the pain stopped, I wanted to be back in there working, running, lifting.

That said, I'm not a morning person. I work out in the mornings because I'm too tired by the end of the workday to do any real work. Plus, Ryan goes in the morning...and it's way more fun to flirt with him there then go by myself. So when I wake up and the first thought that goes through my head is "Ugggh just 10 more minutes"-- that's pretty natural. Once I get up and dressed that feeling goes away and all I'm left with is the excitement of the non-crowded gym.

Me in the mornings.

Yesterday morning was a little different though. Yesterday I woke up and on top of the "Ugggh just 10 more minutes" was a "Damn, my body feels like lead. I don't know if I can move it." and a "There's no way I can lift, or run, or walk for that matter, or get out of bed at all." My stomach hurt, my body hurt, everything hurt. Now, I'm all for a lot of muscle pain, DOMS and other varieties. But this was different. Not the good kind of "you trained well, here is pain" hurt.

So here's the part where the old me (the ignore-my-body-me) would have said "Suck it up. It's just tiredness. Stop being a baby and get up." The part that argued with her this time said "No, stay in bed. Recover. Go harder tomorrow. You'll lose quality training today, so just switch your days around. Train tomorrow".

Thankfully I listened to my body. I could barely function yesterday, for some unknown reason. I slept, took a half day at work and went to bed at 9 pm last night. Then today I woke up, all my energy had returned, along with a fresh new drive to hit it hard in the gym. I ran fast, and lifted hard this morning. And I pretty much did my first unassisted pull-up. It wasn't to the standard that I wanted, but it was pretty close. So I'm not officially counting it yet, but I'm hoping in the next few weeks I'll be writing a super happy "I did it!!!" post.

I'm not advocating taking a day off every time you feel tired. I am advocating learning the levels of exhaustion of your body, knowing when it's advantageous to train and when it's detrimental, and listening to the voice inside that is trying to take care of you, not the one calling you a baby.

First "guest" post

I call this a guest post because I'm technically copying from Facebook what my brother wrote about his recent experiment about going a week on the monetary equivalent of food stamps. For those who may not know, my brother is an outstanding athlete, aspiring film director and all around awesome person. He decided that he would take the food stamp challenge that recently the Mayor of Newark, Cory Booker, also undertook. He had 30$ worth of food to consume during the week. The following were his observations along with his menu.

Things I learned doing the food stamp challenge:

Newark Mayor Cory Booker took a challenge on Twitter to go a week eating on the monetary equivalent of food stamps (he spent $30). I decided to join him in this exercise. Here's what I found:

- Protein is expensive.
- McDonald's is not.
- I lost about a pound and a half in a week and I'm around 8% body fat as it is.
- You cannot conceivably be a good athlete living on food stamps. I work out 5-6 times a week for about 8-10 hours total and my body craves protein, carbs, leafy greens, and fruit after workouts. A lot of these meals (see above note about protein) and foods are expensive and I couldn't have them. I did not have enough energy to work out the way I like to and I'm not even an elite athlete or a workout fiend of any kind.

- Ramen Noodles made this exercise sooooo much easier.
- Don't be fooled...this shit was hard.
- I rediscovered my love for PB&J
- I went a week without coffee. I, Stephen Guilbert, gave up coffee for a week. That was very hard for me to do.

I understand that food stamps are largely meant as a supplement to existing income. That being said, I also know many do live off of food stamps that don't cover certain necessities and toiletries that I did not even take into account. This was a great exercise and while a week is not much relative to people who spends years or lifetimes on this sort of restriction, it was certainly a challenge and helped me gain a lot of perspective. 

 

 

MENU:

 

****I do not recommend eating like this, just to be very clear. ****                                                 

I went to shop-rite and spent $13 on the following: 

- One loaf of whole wheat multi-grain bread

- One jar of peanut butter

- One jar of Jam (Jelly? I forget)

- A half a dozen bananas 

- One box (one pound) of whole wheat pasta

- One jar of Garlic and Herb pasta sauce

I also consumed throughout the week: 

- Two cans of soup

- 5 packs of Ramen Noodles

- 1 slice of pizza and a couple mini cupcakes courtesy of Rob O

- A bagel with cream cheese from Wawa

- A turkey and cheese sandwich from Wawa

- 3 weight watchers breakfast sandwiches ($1 each)

- Some chips from a friendly passerby at work

I capped off the challenge with a Blue Moon.                                                                                       

 

 

Could you ever see yourself doing a food challenge? How hard do you think it would be? How much do you think you could train while doing it?

Sunday Successes

Two success stories to share today: one is fitness related, the other food related. 

Let's start with food.

I uncovered a new recipe online last week that I really wanted to try from a website that specializes in making protein powder recipes. The website is http://www.proteinpow.com/ and let me say, it is the most extensive collection of protein powder based recipes I could have ever imagined or hoped for. There are many desserts, breads, pizza, and other wonderfully delicious foods on there. One post was a guest post by Layne Norton (famous bodybuilder with a Ph. D, in nutritional science!) for delicious looking protein brownies.

Now I am a big sucker for anything chocolate. I have never been one for fruity types of desserts, but if I so much as smell brownies, chocolate cake or chocolate chip cookies baking, I melt. So it should come as no surprise that when I read this recipe, I was in love. The nutritional info looked great, the ingredient list simple enough (I had at least half of the items already and the other half were common enough to find) and so I decided that this rainy afternoon would be the perfect time to try these "too-good-to-be-true" brownies.

First step: Volunteer Ryan to help me.
Second step: Gather all ingredients listed on the specific recipe page.
Third step: Use electric mixer instead of whisk to prepare batter.
Fourth step: Cook for 20 minutes like recipe calls for, check with toothpick, realize not nearly done, cook for another 5 minutes then take out (middle still not completely done, but I like them that way).
Fifth step: Take pictures.
Sixth step: Consume.

SOOOOO good!

....and the verdict....

Taste as good (if not better) than they look!

DELICIOUS. Now, I think most things with chocolate are delicious or even DELICIOUS. However, the Ryan-test is much more strict as he generally doesn't love baked goods, gets overwhelmed with too much chocolate and is one of the few humans I've met who doesn't LOVE brownies. This has led me to 2 important conclusions:

1. He is crazy.
2. His approval on a baked good/sweet is the ultimate "YES!"

And he approved! And noted in the typical male unemotional fashion that "They are very, very good." and that he would consume them again.

Success #1.

And fitness:

Short and sweet. Squat 165 (x2) = 1.5 BW!!!!

Success #2.

What were your successes today?

A year ago today...

A year ago today I weighed 162.2 lbs. I could barely run a half mile. I probably hadn't lifted any weights (unless big bags of cat littler count) for the past several years. I ate a crappy diet, felt tired all the time, had "grown out" of a lot of my clothes and could only comfortably fit in my sweats. I got tired after climbing a flight of stairs and had convinced myself many times that my "diet would start tomorrow".

So I picked a day. A day that wasn't special in any way so that I wouldn't anticipate it. I picked that day on that day so I would have no "last supper" syndrome. And I started. I started just because I knew I needed to.

Here's the scary thing though. As good and healthy as it may have been for me to do this, it ended up having some serious consequences. As I've mentioned before on the blog I've struggled with anorexia since I was a teenager. I've had bouts of severe restriction, followed by bouts of "giving up/not caring" and binging. The back and forth has been terrible for my body and my psyche. That's why losing weight is so dangerous for me. In talking to several doctors and psychiatrists I have learned that restriction of calories can ignite the "disordered eating" part of my brain. The part that says that perfection is just one not-eaten meal away, that to be worth it I need to be in control, that control comes only from doing something challenging -- like starving, and that I must be in control at all costs. It's hard to starve. It's hard to be hungry. My body hates it. My brain hates it. But something inside of me, some switch flips, and I feel compelled to do it. And this becomes more and more likely the less I eat. So dieting is very dangerous for me. I toe the line between trying to get to a healthy weight and trying to stay out of that dangerous mindset.

And it worked. But only for the first 3 months or so. Then something flipped. I saw myself getting faster in my running, feeling better in my clothes, looking better in the mirror. And I wanted more of that. So I cut down on calories a bit more. And I ran a little further and a little faster. I stopped taking days off. I stopped the once-in-a-while treat. Everything became black and white. Good foods. No bad foods. Lots of filling foods. No sweets. Always running. It became an obsession. To beat my previous day's numbers. To eat less and run more.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                  

I finally reached a breaking point. I was eating too little and asking my body for too much. Fortunately for me, I had shortly before this, found the most amazing man I've ever met. He saw what I was doing with my body. He knew it was dangerous. But he took a slightly different approach to helping me. Instead of telling me it was "bad", that I was "doing it wrong" or that I "needed to eat more",  he asked me to join him in the weight room. He got me started lifting weights. He started cooking for me. Of course I wouldn't let him cook what he would normally make, but slowly I started trying other foods and eating them. He showed me that in order to lift better I had to eat. That the numbers that were more fun to focus on, the ones that really meant I was strong and in control, were the numbers in the gym. And then he let me figure it out. That I had to eat more carbs and more calories. That I had to figure out pre and post lifting meals that would help me prep and recover properly. He also encouraged me to eat (gently but firmly) when I was having anxious moments about deciding whether to or not. And every day he assured (s) me that I'm beautiful and that my body is amazing. Disordered eating has a life and a mindset of its own, and although I've seen  many doctors and psychiatrists concerning this, no one has gotten through to me like he has and no one has come close to helping me as much.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                            

So here I am. Exactly one year later. I weigh 111.6 now. But more importantly, I squat 155, DL 145, and can almost do a pull up. I run because I love it, because my body now has the energy do to it, instead of merely using it as the most efficient way of burning calories. I haven't weighed myself in a week before today and am currently eating a bowl of ice cream without binging on it. I love the way my shoulders look, I have a visible six pack (in the mornings only :-) ), and I've stopped worrying (for the most part) if I can pinch "fat" on my waist.

I am far from completing my fitness goals, but in a perfect place for me both mentally and physically to continue achieving them.

The Warrior's Art

It was back day again this morning. I usually love back day as you readers may already know. Unlike most of my back days however, this one started off discouraging and frustrating.

Let me elaborate. You see, I really really want to be able to do a good pull up. Just a standard-regular-overhand-grip-no-swinging-around pull-up. It actually kind of surprises me that I can't do one. I don't think I'm super strong, but I'm relatively strong for my body weight, which is what I thought really mattered when it came to pull-ups.

This, of course, gets super frustrating when I see either girls or guys who can't lift more than I can easily bang out 5 good pull-ups. I sit there thinking "What is the matter with me? I should be able to do this". And that's where the problem starts. I do a lot better emotionally and psychologically with not expecting to be able to do things and then succeeding vs thinking I should be able to do something and coming up short. I say "coming up short" because Ryan keeps trying to tell me that calling myself a "failure" or saying "I'm failing" should not be in my vocabulary and it's not helpful. He's probably right.

He also says that a lot of doing a good pull-up is about the form and the biomechanics of it. When I think about that and the fact that I've always been "double-jointed" (aka loose-jointed), having my shoulders and elbows both easily pop out, I start thinking maybe I shouldn't be able to do one. And maybe I never will. And then the other half of me says that's just an excuse for something I can't do...yet. And to keep trying.

So there I was, trying again this morning. I warm up with an assisted set with enough weight to not stress out my arms, lats or back. Then I mentally prepare myself. I grip the bar. And go. I get halfway up perfectly. My whole body is tense. And then it just stops. It's like I'm stuck. They call it "a sticking point" for a reason I suppose. I feel like I could hold my body there for a long time. It's not like I'm panting or my muscles have given out...they just won't keep going. So I let myself down, frustrated almost to the point of tears, and continue my workout.

What I dream of looking like doing a pull-up

What I actually look like...(minus the cat part)

But not all hope is lost. I make a mental decision that the emotional energy that I'm about to beat myself up with will go into anger. Not anger-anger, but determination-anger. And this will be directed at my deadlifts.

It works. I end up hitting 135 x 3 and then 145 x 2 (with pretty good form, I think) which is a PR! Thank goodness for the deadlift. I would probably still be upset with myself if I hadn't done it. Later on, I was reading an article on T-Nation about the 5 Tips for Better Deadlifing. At the end the author, Mike Robertson, says that "Deadlifting is a warrior's art",which made me smile I read it.

I may not be able to do a single pull-up, but I will choose to shift my focus off of that and onto my success as a warrior artist.

Running vs Lifting

The title of this post may indicate that I am going to compare running and lifting in terms of exercise, possibly the pros and cons of each or some such thing. I am not. I will not. I simply can't. 

The two are very different types of exercise and they serve very different purposes, but what they have in common is that I am in love with both of them. However, I find that I need each of them in very different ways and have very different mental approaches to them.


First, running.

Running is something I began doing in college to escape from my dorm room. Freshman year in a dorm room the size of my bedroom at home, only with me and two other girls made for some tight living space. My head crammed in my books for the majority of the time made for a mentally confined space. I didn't have a car. I didn't know a lot of people. So I ran. I ran around the nice neighborhoods in Chestnut Hill and Newton, Mass. It was pretty. It was hilly. It was challenging. But most importantly it was freeing. It was the only time I stopped worrying about my upcoming test and about if my roommate would be up all night listening to loud music again. When I was running, I was right where I was supposed to be.

Fast forward to graduate school 4 years later. I lived in a more spacious apartment, but my office had no windows and I shared it with the other first years in my program. 12 hours days of physics were overwhelmeing, and the woods around Duke were gorgeous. So I ran. I escaped again.

This is what running has always been for me. It's a release. A momentary relief from a day typically wrought with worry. I am a worrier by nature, except when I'm running. I need the let-go. Unfortunately there are very few places where I truly feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. Running never fails to give me that sense of peace. I need it the same way that some people need to go home and watch a TV show, or read a good book...to get their mind out of this world and into another less crazy one.

I tend not to think about anything when I run. I feel like I've done it for so long and practiced so much that my body just knows the movement. The rhythm calms me down and then I zone out. Once I start to feel tired I then check how far or how long I've gone. I try not to keep pace or to "hit goals" with it because it takes the relaxation out of it for me. If I want to train for a 5k, I need to do this -- to have specific times and workouts, but on a day-to-day basis, I don't.

Now lifting.

I don't need to lift like I need to run. Lifting gives me something very different than running does. I sharpen my concentration and focus in the weight room. You see, unlike running, lifting isn't natural to me. My body doesn't simply know how to move: it hasn't been deadlifting ever since I was 5 years old like it has running. So I focus. I focus on my form. I focus on not dropping the weights on my feet. I focus on lifting harder, on completing a set, and sometimes I focus on focus itself. (Ok...maybe I went too far). The point is, it takes a lot of concentration. It isn't relaxing like running.

But yet I love it. I need it in a different way. The exhaustion my body feels afterwards is something I've never really achieved the same way with running. Of course I've felt tired after logging more miles, but the sort of exhaustion when you know you cannot pick even the lightest weight up because all your muscles may just stop working, is a bit different.

I need it because the focus and the discipline are also enjoyable, and they make me appreciate my relaxed running state every more. I like practicing determination. I like that being a bit stubborn is encouraged in the weight room...that I can dare myself to lift more every time I go in there.

Mostly I like that I can dare myself to be better at both. I was never one for competition against other teams or other people. I've always liked beating my own records more than someone else's. Both running and lifting let me do that every day. Every day I get to step on the trail, on the track, under the full rack and challenge myself. I use one to relax and get in shape and the other to practice focus and get in shape. They compliment each other for me. The mental break I get from running helps me focus better when I'm lifting. It's really the perfect combination. :-)

Do you have a certain exercise that helps you escape? That requires a lot of focus? Do you prefer one or the other? Or do you find they work well together?

The "Off" Day

The "off day" is vastly different from the "day off". It's the day when you go into the gym or step onto the trail, fully intending to go harder, lift more, run faster than you had the last time...but you just can't. Something in your body won't let you.

Let me explain why this is the most frustrating thing to me. Off days are bound to happen. That's what any good lifter or runner will tell you. But when I start to have an off day, apart from feeling a bit crappy about myself, I really want to know why. I want to know if it was because I didn't sleep enough or maybe I slept too much. Was it my diet the day before? Was it lack of supplements?  Breakfast content or amount? Emotional exhaustion? Previous overload on a workout? I want to know this because I want bad days, "off days", not to happen.

Yesterday was an off day. I couldn't squat nearly what I could the past several weeks. I felt weak, a bit lethargic, and frustrated. It wasn't mental exhaustion: my head was definitely in it, but my body was not. But WHY I ask again? I spent a long time thinking about this. As a scientist I only like when results change as a direct cause of tweaking a specific variable. For example, if I was having an off day in the gym and had kept everything the same (diet, supplements, workout routine etc) except for getting 2 hours of sleep the night before, then I would be ok. I would understand. Action --> Outcome. But unfortunately for my brain, my body doesn't work like that.
So I went over a list of changes and similarities compared to previous Sunday workouts.

1) This particular Sunday I had eaten two bowls of ice cream the night before: (Probably not helpful)

Possibly the most delicious night snack ever.

2) I had taken the puppies on an extra 1.5 mile jog on Saturday (Maybe not helpful?)
3) I did an extra warm-up set with light weight to make sure my form was good. (Good/bad?)
4) I had gotten the same amount of sleep and eaten the same breakfast I usually do. (Good)

So what was it?

Here's the problem with this sort of thinking: lifting isn't linear. Working out, be it running, lifting, swimming, biking etc is not just the sum of a bunch of factors. Well, it is, but those factors aren't separable per se. Just because I walk an extra mile one day, doesn't translate into a weak workout the next day. I know this because I've had days where I didn't change anything I usually do and had an "off day" anyways.

I have come to see it as more of a threshold thing. There are all these factors that go into having a good workout or an "on day" like good nutrition, adequate vitamins and supplementation, enough sleep, good hydration, no overexertion etc. Then there are the opposite of these things that can go into having an "off day". But its not just a specific one that decides this. Its a combination and it depends on the severity of the variable under consideration. Did you get 6.5 hrs or 3 hrs of sleep? That matters. Maybe both aren't enough, but one may be much worse that the other.

Then there are outliers. There are just days when, even if you think back and you've done everything "perfectly", that sometimes you just have an "off day". And those ones (the frustrating ones for me), I'm trying to learn to just let go of.

My Favourite Breakfast

This will be a quick post tonight involving the recipe for my favourite breakfast. Strangely enough, breakfast and I never got along very well. When I was a kid I remember my favourite cereal breakfast was Raisin Bran (yes, I'm weird), but even though I liked breakfast foods, I never was a big fan of breakfast. In college I was a much bigger fan of sleep and often would choose an extra 1/2 hour of sleep over getting up and going to the dining hall before class.

As I began to get more healthy in the past year, I slowly have incorporated breakfast into my routine. Part of the reason I never wanted breakfast was that I would typically wake up feeling pretty nauseous  This would subside in a half hour to an hour, but never made me particularly hungry in the mornings. I overcame this by simply forcing myself to eat what I could. I will probably never want a big breakfast with eggs, turkey sausage or waffles, so instead I found something that was healthy, safe for my stomach, easy to make and perfect for the mornings I work out.

What is this magic food you may wonder? I will tell you.

Chocolate Peanut Butter Protein Oatmeal. I have eaten this pretty much every morning for the past 6 months and have loved it every. single. morning. It may sound at least partially unhealthy, but let me assure you, it is not.

Ingredients:
1/3 c or single packet of plain oatmeal
1/2 c water
1-2 packets Truvia (or sweetener of choice)
1 scoop Vanilla Ice Cream Optimum Nutrition Protein Powder (can substitute any Vanilla/Chocolate powder)
2 TBLS Chocolate PB2**

Directions:
Pour 1/3 c or packet of oatmeal in microwave safe bowl. Add 1/2 c water and microwave for ~ 1:30-2:00. After cooking stir in protein powder, then Truvia and PB2.

I like my oatmeal cold, so I stir in 1 TBSP PB2 when I make it the night before and then the other the following morning before I eat it.

Ingredients

Nutritional Info:
Cal: 265 kcal
Carbs: 28 g
Protein: 32 g
Fat: 4 g
Fiber: 5 g
Sugar: 3 g

** For those not familiar with PB2, it is a powder that is made from dehydrating peanuts. It has all the protein of regular peanut butter, but almost no fat and only a fraction of the calories. I love it. It's great for baking and for shakes but I also like it rehydrated. It may sound weird, but if you mix it with water it acts just like real peanut butter that you can put on sandwiches. I typically have a PB2 sandwich most every night along with my PB2 oatmeal every morning. It comes in 2 flavours (regular and chocolate). For more information about it, see the website: http://www.bellplantation.com/

Thursday -- Back Day

I love Thursdays.

I loves Thursdays for a few reasons. One of them is that Thursdays are typically the day before Fridays and I really love the relaxed attitude that Friday brings. It starts on Thursday nights though for me...that "relax, Friday's tomorrow!" feeling of relief. But more importantly than that, here are another few things that make me LOVE Thursday...

1) Thursday Workout = Back Day!

First I'll go over my usual routine:

I start with a 1.5-2 mi run to get some cardio and warm up my muscles. Then the lifting happens....

Yesterday (Thursday) however, I decided to incorporate a little variety into my workout. Instead of doing my usual Cable Seated Rows, I had Ryan show me how to do inverted rows on the Smith machine. I was not familiar with these awesome exercises until recently, and took a liking to them immediately. For those not familiar, the movement is depicted in the following picture I stole from Google Images.

Inverted Rows

I also hit another PR in the deadlift. 135 lbs! It has been consistently going up for the past couple weeks. One of the main reasons for this I believe is that prior to a couple weeks ago, I had been doing deadlifts on the same day I was doing squats. Now the DL really works your hamstrings and lower back (and a lot more!), but I had put them on leg day. Needless to say after a hard couple sets of squats every Sunday, my body was exhausted and not ready to go into a hard set of DLs. Also, both squatting and deadlifting put a lot of pressure on my lower back, so splitting them up has really been good for recovery.

That said, I have been very pleased with the progress I have made on my back. Unlike my Arms, I feel like I have made consistent progress with my lifts, I can definitely see more definition in the muscles (see below!), and I really really enjoy my routine.

Back - 1

2). Coming home on Thursday = cuteness

Ok, coming home everyday I get cuteness and over-joyous kisses, but after a tough workout and a long workday it's even a bit better:

Qubit being the cutest!

Variety...

"They" say that variety is the spice of life. I used to think I just flat out disagreed, but now I realize I just don't really like spices.

Variety to me, doesn't actually enhance my enjoyment or experience of meals or workouts. It simply stresses me out. You see, I am somewhat of a type-A, overly-structured, hyper-organized person. I also have the good fortune (in my opinion) of not getting bored easily. My taste buds simply don't saturate after a month of eating the same turkey sandwich for lunch, or having the same granola bar as a snack. In a similar way, in the gym, I don't get tired of doing the same programs week after week. In my experience this is both a good thing and a bad thing.


Why variety can be good in a workout:

The body is an amazing machine which has evolved the powerful tool of adaptation. This adaptation is supposed to make us stronger as a species, and for the most part, it does. However, if your goal is to build muscle or run faster, the body will also adapt to your training techniques.  We all know that lifting tears the muscle which causes the body to repair it. When it does this, the muscle grows a bit to "be ready" for the next time such a traumatic thing may happen. However, the body is efficient as well. Eventually, the effects of shocking your body and damaging it when you lift will decrease if you do the same things day after day. The body simply gets used to it and puts in less and less work to repair itself.

So variety is key. It's key because it's important to keep the body guessing so that muscles can grow and not plateau. The dreaded plateau that many lifters as well as runners will experience as their body simply gets used to the constant training technique is a result of lack of variety in training. So keep your body guessing. Change up your routine. Be a little spontaneous.

A very experienced lifter once told me that it's good to go into the weight room with a plan, but if you hit a lift and it feels really good, hit it again. Take advantage of the groove you're in with that specific lift and train it hard. Have a plan, but be flexible and incorporate some variety.


Why variety can be harmful in a workout:

On the flip side, a lot of variety may also keep you from reaching certain training goals. For example, I have set a *goal* that I want to squat and deadlift (DL) 1.5x my bodyweight. Now if I have so much variety in my routine, that I'm only squatting or DLing every 2 or 3 weeks, then I am probably not going to hit my goals as quickly as I would if I did those hard lifts every week

I know there are certain circles (namely Crossfit) that have a different WOD (workout of the day) every day and highly recommend keeping your body guessing every day. Again, overall fitness is different from having a specific lifting goal. If my goal were to be a faster runner my weekly split would not work like this:

Sunday -- Run
Monday -- Bike
Tuesday -- Swim
Wednesday -- Elliptical
Thursday -- Rowing Machine
Friday -- Stairmaster/Stadium Stairs
Saturday -- Off

That routine might be great for overall cardio fitness, but if I want to decrease my 5k time, probably not the most efficient way to do it.


Why variety is good for your diet:

This one may seem obvious. Of course getting a variety of food means you will probably be more likely to cover your bases in terms of nutrition, vitamins, and minerals. But I would argue that eating a balanced diet with a limited variety can be just as beneficial  Namely, if your diet is balanced well, you may be getting all the vitamins, protein, and essential nutrients you need...and then it just becomes a personal preference. 

Variety in diets is very often seen as good because a lot of people will get tired of eating the same food (I am not one of these people clearly!) and may give up on a "diet" simply because they find it bland or boring to eat the same foods. In this case, I agree that for the majority of people, having variety in the diet is important to get balance and fend off boredom.

Why variety can be harmful for your diet wallet/stress level:

One of the things that I find most beneficial about liking many of the same foods is that it saves me both time and money. 

1) It saves me money because instead of buying a plethora of different foods, eating them once or twice, getting tired of them, and then inevitably throwing a large portion away, I get foods that will last me the week, and then don't mind using leftovers.

2) It saves me time because instead of having to cook a different meal every night and plan a different lunch for the next day, I cook food in bulk, separate it into portions for the week (or sometimes half week) and then I am always ready to go!

In terms of diet, I believe that unless variety is somehow stopping you from eating a nutritionally balanced diet, then it can't hurt.


To summarize, I may be different in the sense that I have eaten the same breakfast every day for the last six months (will post my delicious breakfast recipe at a later time!), but the point is that people are different, and as long as you are not at the extreme of one or the other, your fitness and health shouldn't suffer from a little more or a little less variety.